A British lady that is being ummmm.... less than accommodating?

Is it just me, or is that lady from Supernanny going waaaay too far in this episode??!! I mean, I believe in "tough love" and all- but this is ridiculous!!!!!!

218 pound 8 year old "fatty" taken away from it's mother.

Cleavland heights Ohio:The Dept of Children and Family Services took an obese 8 year old  boy away from it's mother and placed the child in foster care after it was determined that the mother was neglecting the child and not doing enough to keep his weight down. The mother, who was unidentified said that she was "working really hard" on keeping him on a diet but the boys weight inexplicably kept climbing. "This is the worst week of my life" she told  reporters for the associated press, and then added "First my Yorkshire Terrior "Lou Lou" ran away a couple days ago, and now their taking my baby boy away from me". It was also reported that later on that evening, the boy's distraught mother alledgedly recieved a rather strange and somewhat disturbing phone call from the childs new foster parents in which they told the mother that "they had some good news and some bad news:  "The good news is- we think we know where your dog "Lou Lou" is....the bad new is- your son just shit out a Hartz 2-in-1 flea collar".

Conrad Murray is gonna be sentenced today.

Dr. Conrad Murray is due in court this morning to be sentenced for the involuntary manslaughter of Michael jackson. Prosecutors are seeking  the maximum sentence of 4 years behind bars for the conviction,  but even if Murray is sentenced to the max, he would probably only serve half of that time due to prison overcrowding. The most likely reason for the overcrowding according to most prison analyst is the extemely high demand for L.A county's  prison chef , Leroy Bergis's (inmate #1763) delicious new mouth watering rat fece's strewn sloppy joe's.

Hermain Cain denies "everything"....again.

More bad news for republican candidate Hemain cain this week. Ginger White told a fox news affiliate that she had a 13 year affair with the former Godfather pizza ceo. Cain immediatly went on television to defend himself in an interview with CNN"S Wolf Blitzer. During the interview Blitzer asked Cain directly if he had ever had ever any type of sexual relationship with White in which Cain replied "none whatsoever". Then the interview took a bizarre turn when Blitzer asked Cain if he thought that the fact that he is a "black conservative man" has anything to do with the so-called conspiracy against his campaigne and Cain responded : "Black?....I'm not black....and why do you keep calling me Hermain?... my name is Roger and I'm a B-52 jet bomber!!" Then in front of a stunned CNN crew, Cain jumped up from his seat and started to make an airplane sound with his mouth, then proceeded to pretend to fly around the studio with his arms out stretched at his sides.  O.k...I made that last part up, but he may as well have..this guys all done. I dont even know why their even bothering with this shit anymore. It's like punching a dead guy in the face....what's the point?  Maybe he can go back to his old job narrating "Hookers at the point" for HBO.

If you want to secure a spot in hell...watch this video.

Hanson should have quit when they were ahead. That lead singer is so full of himself.

Two really old guys fighting...sweet!

Two elderly CFL hall of famers got into a scuffle at an Alumni legends lucheon in vancouver this past friday. Apparently there is still some bad blood between the two former rivals.This fight has everything from a haymaker to a cane beating. One guy even topples over as if he just got a heavy wiff of Chaz Bono's ass. The last time two old guys fought like this is when Jerry Sandusky and Michael Jackson attended the same Justin bieber concert and went toe-to-toe over a sweat drenched t-shirt that Bieber had thrown into the crowd. It was a blood bath.

Fellow gamers rejoice!.....Poly-gones!

An Austrailian company called Euclideon is claiming that they have figured out how to display "unlimited graphics" in video games . Bruce Dell, CEO of Euclideon says that by using tiny little atoms instead of polygons his company can  make graphics look 100,000 times better than they do now. Upon hearing the news of the ground breaking Unlimited graphics engine, God- Being a jealous god, reminded everyone of his Unlimited blowjob machine he created back on feburary 17th, 1981.

"One life to live" and "all my children" are kaput... Haaaha!!

Soap opera fans took another hit this week when plans to keep their favorite cancelled soaps alive via -online episodes hit a brick wall when producers for the shows couldn't make a deal with distributers. Thousands of soap opera Junkies took to facebook and twitter to vent their anger and frustration over the news. Many Emails have also been flooding the major television networks pleeding for them to pick the shows back up, but this has mostly fallen on deaf ears because of past dismal ratings. In a related story: Jesse Ventura has started to shoot a new episode of Conspiracy Theory in which he sets out to prove that this assault on daytime television is just Presidents Obama's Jobs bill cleverly disguised. Outside the studio where conspiracy theory is shot, Mr. Ventura was finally cornered by a reporter and asked: 'Mr. ventura,  how could cancelling daytime soap opera's possibly get american's back to wor...work.. Ohhhhhhhh....wait a minute". Then ventura looked at the reporter knowningly, put his hand heavily on his shoulder and exclaimed in his trademark garbled husky voice." Now you're gettin it brother".

Amanda Knox had a 'super fantastic' Thanksgiving!

After being cleared of Murdering british college student Meredith Kercher last month, Amanda knox spent her first Thankgiving as a free woman in Seattle with her mother Edda mella's and sister Deanna Knox. Edda and Deanna had been at Amanda's side throughout the entire trial and alway's believed whole heartedly in her innocents. But a terrifying incident alledgedly happened at the home Thanksgiving day that has even Amandas strongest supporterts casting doubts and questioning her character. According to the report: Amanda was asked to carve the turkey in which she graciously accepted, but as soon she picked up the butcher knife her demeanor suddenly changed, and then she just started plunging the blade into the bird over and over again while screaming "DIE BITCH DIE!!! YOU FUCKING WHORE DIE!!!!" then with a glazed look in her eyes, she calmly walked into the living room, pulled her pants down around her ankles, squatted and peed on her mom's new burlap carpet. Our sources also confirmed that soon after the incident, a locksmith was called to the home to put  triple- bolt deadlocks on Edda's and deanna's bedrooom doors.

Get ready to shit a (Mayan) brick.

Mexico's archeology Institute admitted this week that it had indeed found another reference to the alleged End-of-the-world date carved on a brick found at a nearby ruin site in Comalcaro. However, there is some division among leading Mayan experts as to the true meaning of the acient inscription. For instance- David Stuart, a specialist in Mayan epigraphy said in a statement to the associated press that the brick 'does coincide with the end of the13th Baktum" and that the 13th Baktum ends on Dec 21st 2012. However, Jerry silverman, a self-proclaimed Mayan expert, held a press conference in the break room at the local Walmart where he is currently employed, and told fellow employees that most of these so-called experts are "dead wrong" and that the Mayan people had a very "elaborate" and sometimes "devious sense of humor" he then went on to say in a very controversial statement, that he "truly believes" that this is just simply the Mayans way of 'punking us" then he smirked smuggly and snapped into a Slim Jim.

It's Black Friday..Yay!!!.....Fuck off!!!

Well, It's that lovely time of year again when a bunch of scumbag losers wait outside deptartment stores hoping to grab a waffle maker for $2.00 or some other stupid "bargain" they "just have to have." Give me a fucking break. If you wait outside Best buy or Target at 4:00 a.m. then you are most definitly a pathetic idiot and should be punched in the face over and over again with brass knuckles until your face is a gooey pile of jelly. The greatest story this year so far is that 20 people were sent to the hospital for minor injuries after a woman peppered sprayed fellow shoppers in order to keep them away from the mechandise that she wanted. God I pray there is surveilance video of that!!  Anyway...the only way I would EVER wait in line at 4:00 a.m. in front of a deptartment store is if  they were giving away free beer and Angelina Jolie had set up a blowjob booth out front.

Charlie Brown's Thanksgiving is way cooler now.

I found this funny Charlie brown's Thanksgiving "Goodfella's" parody on you tube that some genius made. I still love watching the original though......nude. Sorry, I just had to wreck it. Happy thanksgiving.

Michael Jackson's weird "stuff" is for sale.

Several of Michael jackson's personal items from his estate will be auctioned off in the coming weeks. Amongst  the items being sold is a mirror that belonged to the late singer that has a puzzling message inscribed on it that reads :  "Train, perfection march april full out"  that inscription, according to reps for jackson , was a personal motivational message written by Jackson to himself as he prepared for his upcoming "This Is It " tour. However, upon closer inspection, the message suddenly took on a more ominous tone when the lights were turned off and a fluorescent blacklight was held over the mirror which revealed  even more words that were not initially visible to the naked eye.These "new words" seemed to completed the sentence, which then read:  " I'm gonna TRAIN these kids to PERFECTION so that by MARCH or APRIL I should be able to walk around  them with my penis  FULL OUT."   Upon hearing of this new discovery, Jerry Sandusky quickly put in the first bid for 30 million dollars.

Justin Bieber got a DNA test.

Tmz is reporting that Justin Bieber had a DNA test done on friday in New Jersey to prove that he is not the the father of Mariah Yeaters baby. According to lab technicians that were present at the clinic, a particularly akward moment came when Beiber was asked to supply a semen sample and he immediatly pulled his pants down, bent over and spread his butt cheeks apart and said " Take as much as you want...I got nothin to hide"

An early Christmas present from me to you.

I seriously have watched this video over 100 times and I'm still not sick of it. This ugly bitch was being investigated by police for child abuse, so dont feel guilty if you loved watching that cop smack her fat face. I took the audio of her crying and put a nasty techno beat to it. I now have it under " favorites " on my ipod and listen to it for motivation while I'm working out.....or masturbating. I need counciling...seriously do you know anyone?

Nicki minaj was a nerd's wet dream come-true.

Nicki minaj Peformed with Superbass last night at the A.M.A's. As you can see, she was dressed like some type of sexy weird robot but still managed to look pretty good. I had alot a mixed emotions watching her. I wasn't sure if I wanted to screw her brains out or work on her in my garage. On a side note: Security had to restrain singer R. Kelly from running on stage and peeing on her, fearing that he may be electrocuted to death

MTV being sued over "Jersey Shore idea"

The idea for Mtv's most successful show "The Jersey Shore" may have been stolen, this according to a lawsuit filed by Bruce Holse. Holse claims he pitched an idea for a show with the same premise called "The Jersey Shore" to Mtv executives back in 2006, but they said that they were "not intrested in it" at that time. Holsie also adds in the lawsuit that he was "shocked" when he heard that Mtv was debuting the show in 2009 and had not contacted him or givin him any credit for the show whatsoever. This is not the first time Mtv has been accused of stealing the idea for The jersey Shore. Back in 2009, screenwriter Rod serling filed a law suit claiming that there were "way two many similarities" between Jersey shore and his 1968 classic- Planet of the apes.

Mickey Rourke's face is ummmmmm......

Mickey Rourke appeared on Jimmy kimmel live the other night wearing what appears to be a mask made of human skin that is easily 3 sizes too big for him. Don't get me wrong..I think he's a great actor, but he is slowly becoming that Alien farmer guy from the first Men In Black movie. I was so startled by his appearance when he walked out that I lept outta my seat so fast that I spilled my bottle of baby oil  all over myself and nearly popped my blow-up doll. Seeing him gave me that " holy shit " feeling I had when I was little and watched the part where they Released the "Cracken" in the original Clash of the Titans movie. His face is so utterly  disturbing to me that I keep having  recurring nightmares of him picking me up by my feet and smashing my body over and over again on the concrete until all my bones are shattered into little tiny pebble sized bits.Then he brings me back to his house, throws me in a lifeless clump on his living room floor and uses me as his own personal human bean-bag chair. Chilling.

Paris Hilton's brother sought in "Hit and run incident"

A motor vehicle alledgedly registered to one of Paris Hiltons brothers was involved in an apparent "hit and run" incident involving two parked cars in Brentwood California last night. Brentwood police then made contact with Ms Hilton and informed her of the incident in an attempted to locate her sibling for questioning. Ms Hilton, seemingly confused by the meaning of the term "hit and run" shouted at the officer: "wait....you're  telling me "hit and run" is illegal!!!?? Then for the next hour went on to list every guy she ever slept with and demanded that they all be arrested.

Dude, where's my wife?

It's official, Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore are getting divorced. Ashton went on twitter and tweeted: "I will cherish the time I spent with Demi" and that marriage is a "very difficult thing" The reasons for the break-up was presumably ashton's alleged infidelity, but a statement released by Demi Moore Hinted at another possible reason for the split in which she said this: "This is a very difficult time for me and my family" I have no ill feelings towards Ashton and wish him the best in life and  his career with his two and a half- inch....ummm I mean..Two and a half  MEN sitcom." Immediatly following Demi's statement, an absolutely giddy Bruce Willis went on twitter and tweeted: Hahahahahah....I knew it!!!!  Fuck you Ashton!!!

Anne Hathaway is possibly a Jedi Knight.

Actress Anne Hathaway was spotted yesterday at occupy Wall street apparently disguised as Obi wan Kenobi . When protesters recognized her, she quickly penned a cardboard sign that read: " Blackboards not bullets" But an inside source close to Hathaway told us that the actress "just didn't have the heart "to tell them she was only there doing research for her roll in an upcoming film in which she plays a "Homeless shitbag"

The new Muppet movie opens nov 23!..loser.

 The new muppet movie starring Jason Segel and Amy Adams, will premeire in theatres nationwide on wed nov 23. Thousands of Muppet maniacs have already purchased their tickets Via online box offices in antisipation for the event. Sadly, not all muppet enthusiast were able to get tickets due to the fact that Jerry Sandusky, apparently also a muppet fanatic...bought every single last ticket on the planet.

Adele is recovering from throat surgery.

Grammy award-winning singer Adele underwent throat surgery on monday nov 7th  for a hemorrage on her vocal chord. Dr. Steven Zeitels, director of massachusetts general hospital, whom performed the surgery on the ailing singer said in a statement to the press that he expects adele to make a "full recovery". He also added in the statement that there is absolutely no truth to to the wild rumors and speculation that the singer actually had a second throat implanted. Hahahahahah....get it? cuz she's fat!!! If you find yourself not laughing at that, its probably time to join Jenny Craig

lindsey Lohan bought a new mouth.

Recent pics of lindsey lohan sporting what appears to be a brand new smile, has left many leading members of the scientific community scratcing their heads and scrambling to revise their old theory that  " you cant polish a turd ".

Infuritating pic of the day.

This is Mariah Yeater...The skank that lied about justin beiber being the father of her ugly offspring. Her face instantly sends my rage meter sky rocketing off the charts. The only thing I would ever do with this chick is play catch with her face using a candlepin bowling ball. 

Proof that Bradley Cooper is way,way better than you.

People magazine has named Bradley cooper as this years "Sexiest Man Alive". In a related story: John lawrence Patrick( a.k.a. Scratchy) was named "Sexiest Meth Head Alive" by the publication " Tweeker weekly" Congrats to both.

Michele bachmann probably wont be president..definitely.

After a strong start in the polls earlier this year, Michele Bachmann as of late, has really fallen in the ranks of possible republican nominees. I am a firm believer that the reason for her sharp and rapid decline, is the omnipresent look on her face of a kid who was just forced to sit on their weird uncles lap for a family photo, and then right before they take the picture, realizes he has a boner.

Twilight breaking dawn had its premiere last night.

Thousands of adoring female fans gathered and lined the streets of hollywood last night just to get a glimpse of their favorite Twilight hunk as they walked down the red carpet. Although many female fans would most certainly be crushed if they could have overheard the conversation between Kristin Stewart and Taylor Lautner just as this photo was being snapped, which went something like this:  Kristin stewart: (between clenched teeth)"So Taylor...when you gonna "come out" and stop leading these poor chicks on? Taylor Lautner: " My house in Key West still isnt paid off yet, so until then.....just keep smiling and waving bitch. 

Jerry Sandusky likes to "Horse around" .....alot.

For the very first time since the notorious Penn State child molestation scandal broke last week, accused pedifile;  Jerry Sandusky broke his silence in an interview last night via telephone with NBC's Rock Center host Bob Costa's.During the roughly 10 minute long interview, Costa's asked Mr Sandusky Some very direct and pointed questions , such as "are you sexually attracted to young boys?" as to which  Mr Sandusky responded: " Well....I enjoy their company , and I love being around them...eh..eh..especially whe..when they're naked in the sh..sh.. showers(gulp) soaping up th..their soft innocent and hairless, glorious little bodies an..(gulp) and playing amongst themselves(gulp) while running around giggling and.....and.....and..and.OHHHHHHUUUhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhughhhhhhh....ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh." at which point the phone interview abruptly ended and  NBC quickly went to station identification.

Awwwwwww......Ewwwwwwww.

This is a picture that has haunted me for years of a tiger with downs syndrome , thats right... downs syndrome. Something about it is just extremely unnerving to me. I dont know if I wanna hug it or punch it. I know I should probably have sympathy for it, but for some reason it seems to evoke anger deep within my spirit. I just wish that I didn't know it existed , so I could finally get a good night's sleep.

You can look like a douche for 55k.

Yep,for a mere 55k you can actually own your own street legal tron light cycle. My initial thought when I  first saw this was "Wow..thats pretty bad ass." but then I remembered that I had once worn a Bon Jovi concert T-shirt to school and thought that very same thing. Lesson learned.

Jennifer lopez is dating a manchild.

Apparently Jennifer lopez: 42 , has started dating one of her backup dancers Casper Smart :24. Sources close to the lopez camp say "Despite their vast age difference , They just instantly hit it off and cant get enough of each other" When Marc Anthonys representitives got wind of this story they immediatly issued a statement on anthony's behalf seemingly directed at casper smart specifically, which was comprised of just 4 chilling words: "Beware the dutch oven"

Ron Paul wouldn't attack Iran.

Ron Paul was one of the only candidate's at the latest republican debate that said he "would not" use military action in order to stop Iran from obtaining a nuclear weapon. He did however say that he had no problem telling them to "get off his lawn"

Jesse James cheated on Kat Von D 19 times...and counting.

A distraught Kat Von D posted on her facebook yesterday "Today I encountered the 19th girl to add to the list that Jesse cheated on me with during the last year." then she added: "and get this....one of the chicks told me that she heard he once even shot a man just for snoring !!!" (if you didnt get that joke then you're probably under 35. )

Ashton Kutcher was nearly beaten to death last night at a Hollywood nightclub.

Hahahahahahah.....just kidding...I've just always wanted to write that headline, aww c'mon admit it...you know you loved reading it.

Rick Perry may be retarded.

Presidential hopefull Rick perry's much publisized rash of mental meltdowns during recent republican debate's, have led many leading psycholigist to speculate that he may in-fact be suffering from  some form of mental retardation...but at last nights debate, much to everyones surprise, the Governor of texas kept his composure and held his own against front runners hermain Cain and Massachussetts Governor:Mitt Romney. During an interview with Fox new's Sean Hannity immediatley following the debate.Hannity light heartedly quipped with Mr.Perry and asked "So ..how does it feel to finally get through one of these debate's virtually unscathed? Governor Perry grinned and responded" "Well Sean....you know when you take a shit and it comes out almost effortlessly, and then when you go to wipe yer ass and their aint hardly nothin on the paper? kinda like that...in other words"fucking great" which only led to more speculation. In a related story: Fox announced their plans for a new game show to debut this fall called: Are you smarter than a rick perry.